Bath House
by blinded-oedipus
Summary: When Naruto hears word that Hinata and Sakura are spending their girls' night at the bath house, he attempts to glimpse into a new and exotic world, dragging the partially reluctant Sasuke along for the ride. Rated M for language and suggestive themes.


**Author's note**: Okay, so let me start out by saying that I do not own Naruto, nor do I make any money from it. Now that that's said, we can move on to more important things, like the rating. It's M for language and some suggestiveness, not for lemon. The only "pairings" that are in here are Naruto/Hinata and Sasuke/Sakura, but even if you don't like those pairings, the story is still a good laugh. Now enough of my blabbering. Read, review, and enjoy!

--

Boom Boom Boom! Sasuke was impressed that his door could stand such relentless knocking; it was a miracle that it didn't fall in before he reached the handle. It came to no surprise that it was Uzumaki Naruto who had been pounding on his door. The blonde was panting as if he had just run a marathon, and his blue eyes held a kind of wild excitement. "What do you-" Sasuke began before he was rudely cut off.

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed as he grabbed his teammate's shoulders. "I have amazing news!"

Sasuke blinked, unsurprised by Naruto's unprecedented excitement. Naruto had been known to get this excited over very trivial things...like ramen. "What?" he barely managed to say before Naruto started explaining at the speed of light.

"Sakura and Hinata are having a girls' night out!" Naruto said, nearly shaking with excitement. He made no attempt to hide his disappointment when he saw that Sasuke did not share his enthusiasm.

"So?" Sasuke said with absolutely no emotion.

"SO!?" Naruto nearly shouted in his face as he threw up his hands, unable to handle the fact that Sasuke didn't know what this meant. "I repeat, Sakura and Hinata are having a girls' night out," he said more slowly. When Sasuke's expression remained unchanged, Naruto asked, "You do KNOW what they do on a girls' night out, don't you?"

Sasuke shrugged and folded his arms. "Seeing as I'm not a girl, I'd have to say no."

Naruto sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "Let's just say that I heard Hinata mention they were going to the bath house," he explained with a sly smile.

"Just get to the point, Naruto," Sasuke said, his patience wearing thin.

"Think about it Sasuke. Sakura and Hinata in that hot, steamy bath with nothing to cover up with but a small _white _towel. And then there's us, separated from our girlfriends only by a short, wooden barrier that is bound to have holes in it. Now tell me that's not exciting news," Naruto said, his smile still plastered on his face.

"You mean peeping. That's not exciting. Can you imagine what would happen if Sakura caught me? I'd be dead in an instant," Sasuke said, doing very well at conveying the false notion that seeing Sakura naked was not worth the risk of being killed.

The grin on Naruto's face only spread wider. "I knew you'd say that, which is why I have a solution for you. There are basically two ways to view this," Naruto said, holding up two fingers as a visual reference. "The first is that you can better your skills by using your ninja stealth to conceal yourself. The second is to think that it is our duty, as boyfriends, to make sure that our girlfriends are safe. Imagine what would happen if they were attacked in the middle of their bath. There they are, just washing their naked bodies, when two shuriken fly towards them! It's too much of a surprise for them. They're too vulnerable. But then..." Naruto paused dramatically as he put his arm around Sasuke's shoulder, "you come in and save the day! Sakura would be so happy that she'd probably run right out of the water, not bothering to pick up a towel, and give you a great big hug! And then-" he didn't have to say anymore.

Sasuke had to turn away from Naruto and shove his hand against his nose to stop any blood from dripping on his shirt. Yeah, the image was that strong. Naruto smiled and secretly thanked Jiraiya for telling him how to word everything. Maybe the old perv _did _know what he was talking about. When he had stopped the bleeding, Sasuke turned to Naruto and said, "Well, if it will keep them safe."

And with that, the two boys proceeded to the Konoha bath house to do their dutiful jobs as boyfriends.

--

"I can't believe you've never been to a bath house before!" Sakura remarked once she and Hinata walked into the changing room.

"Y-yeah, weird, huh? I guess I've just never been comfortable with the whole communal bath thing," Hinata mumbled and did her best to strip in a modest fashion, keeping her eyes locked on the locker in front of her.

Sakura sighed and shook her head. Since their boyfriends were so close, she had made a real effort to try and get to know Hinata. Unfortunately, she seemed content to lock herself up in her shell, save for the time she spent with Naruto. "No, I understand. No need to break out of your comfort zone, right?"

Hinata laughed nervously and nodded. Picking up on sarcasm was another one of her weak points. Sakura was still working on that.

After a few more minutes, the two girls wrapped up in their towels and headed for the doorway. Sakura was about to head for a small spring that they could share when she noticed that Hinata had remained rooted to the spot. "I don't know about this, Sakura," she admitted, looking rather sheepish.

"Why not?"

"I don't know...it's just...are you sure no one will see me?" Hinata asked, still lingering at the door.

"Don't worry about it, Hinata. It's really steamy out here and it's all girls anyway. No one is necessarily going to be looking around," Sakura said with a small chuckle.

Hinata glanced over at the wooden barrier that separated the girls' side from the boys' side. "But what if someone from over there sees."

Sakura looked over at the wall and actually laughed at this. "I'd like to see the idiots who'd try. They'd get beaten to a pulp by all the angry women over here."

--

Meanwhile, in the boys' changing room, Naruto and Sasuke simultaneously sneezed. After wiping his nose, Naruto threw the rest of his clothes in a bin and walked towards the door with a towel tied securely at his waist.

"Wait a minute," Sasuke said as he stopped Naruto by grabbing his shoulder. "We're not actually getting in the water, are we?"

Naruto turned back around to face Sasuke and looked at him as if he were insane. "Of course we are! We payed for one anyway. Besides, if we walk straight to the wall, someone will know we're up to something." Sasuke mumbled something incoherent about the whole thing being more trouble than it's worth as he stripped down and tied a towel around his waist as well. Naruto slapped him on the back with a toothy grin and pronounced, "Now that's the spirit! Come on, if we hurry, we can catch them slipping into the water!"

--

Sakura walked over to the edge of a spring that was ideal for two or three people. Hinata followed a bit reluctantly and immediately noticed how close they were to the wall. Looking around, she saw that they were one of the closest ones, actually. "Sakura..." she mumbled as the said girl tested the water's temperature with her feet. "Are you sure no one will see?"

"I'm sure," Sakura assured her as she turned away and undid her towel. Once she was completely submerged in the water, Sakura turned back to Hinata and said, "Just stop worrying and get in." A smirk found its way to her face just as a new thought came into her head. "Besides, the only person I can think of that would peep is Naruto. And I'm sure you wouldn't mind if _he _saw you naked," she teased.

Hinata's pale eyes widened while her cheeks burned from more than just the heat of the spring. She mumbled something about how their relationship wasn't like that, no matter how much Naruto hinted at it, and quickly tried to get in without showing anyone her butt or breasts. Finding it impossible, she sighed and plopped down in the water, utterly defeated. Once the coverage of the water was too her liking, she peeled her towel off and tossed it aside in a sopping wet heap.

"Not so bad, is it?" Sakura asked, her smirk still on her face.

Hinata smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders. "It is rather nice."

--

"This is so fucking stupid," Sasuke muttered while Naruto searched the wall for cracks. They had jumped into the water to 'avoid suspicion' and now he was not only wet, but wet, cold, and had no way of seeing through or over the wall.

"Damn, I think they refilled all the cracks I normally use." Sasuke rolled his eyes; he should have guessed that this wasn't Naruto's first time doing this.

"Step aside, idiot," he said and walked up to the wall.

Naruto pouted and crossed his arms. "What do you plan to do, genius, blow a hole in it?"

"That's exactly what I plan to do," Sasuke answered, ignoring the baffled look Naruto gave him. He knelt down and preformed a small scale katon on the wall, effectively burning a small niche in the paneling, and splashed it with water to stop the fire from spreading. After waiting for the embers to cool, he pressed his eye against the peephole and scanned the area. He glanced about five feet to the right before fixating his attention on a pink head of hair. "Jackpot."

"Wha--seriously?" Naruto asked and crouched down next to him. "Lemme see." He pushed against Sasuke's shoulder and attempted to sneak a peak before he was violently shoved away.

"Make your own hole," Sasuke hissed and returned to his gazing.

Naruto grit his teeth and lunged forward. "Jackass! Let me look." He grabbed Sasuke's shoulders to force him down, but the prick clipped his jaw and kneed him in the ribs before he could get any leverage on him.

"Idiot," Sasuke said through clenched teeth. "They're going to hear us if you freakin' yell like that." He threw Naruto off him and sat back up. "You're a goddamn ninja. Spying should be second nature, even to somebody like you."

Naruto scowled, but didn't bother to argue; he was well aware of his stealth ability, which was somewhere close to a fitful monkey. But even a monkey could sit still if it found something it liked. He plopped down on the ground, his towel loosening slightly as it was pulled into a different position. Several ideas passed through his mind, most useless, but one stood out from the rest. A sly grin inched its way onto his face as he found a spot a few feet to Sasuke's right and got to work.

Ero-senin always said that Rasengan would come in handy. Who knew that a minuscule one could be an effective drill? Naruto made a mental note to tell the old man about this new usage of the jutsu as he looked through his hole to a new and exotic world.

--

"Did you hear something?"

Sakura opened her eyes from her soak and said, "I think you're just being paranoid, Hinata."

"I could have swore I heard..." she trailed off before glancing at the wall. "Well, I think I'm going to take a look anyway." Hinata reached for her towel but stopped when she remembered that she had thoroughly soaked it. "Umm...Sakura?" She raised an eyebrow. "Could I borrow your towel for a second?"

--

"Hey, they're talking about something."

"..."

"What do you think they're saying? Do you think they found us?"

"..."

"Hey Sasuke. Saaassuke! Teme, I'm talking t--"

"Shut the fuck up!" Sasuke hissed and moved away from his peep hole to give Naruto a proper thrashing. "You can't hear anything because you're so damn loud. If you just _observe _for one fucking second, you wouldn't have to ask all these pointless questions!"

"Ow ow ow! Okay, okay...Jesus...hey, Sakura's turning around."

"What?" Sasuke used the death grip he had on Naruto's hair to shove his head away and replace it with his own.

The scene was far less exciting than what he imagined. Sakura was merely leaning to get a towel, completely emerged and modest. Damn. Just a few more inches and, wait, she couldn't reach it. Sasuke sucked in a breath and pointedly ignored Naruto's whines while Sakura stretched her arm as far as she could, so close and yet so far, so wonderfully far away. A scowl appeared on her face and she said something over her shoulder before it happened.

Sakura raised herself out of the water for just a second, but that's all it took. Sasuke pressed so hard against the wood that he thought he might splinter his eye. There she was, bare before him, reaching towards him, practically crawling, dripping wet...And just like that, he was hard and bleeding.

"Shit!" He covered his nose and backed away as fast as could. To protect his honor, he tried to conceal himself, tripped in his rush, and fell into the scalding water. "Gah!"

"Sasuke!"

--

The wooden barrier did little to block the noise of the splash and exclamation from reaching the girls' side of the bath house. Sakura's head shot up at the sounds. She knew that whining voice anywhere. Her cheeks rivaling the color of her hair, she pressed the towel against her in a frantic haste and backed as far away from the wall as she could in the small spring.

"Did you hear that?" she implored Hinata in a strangled whisper.

Hinata's eyes were wide as saucers, and she sank lower in the water to try and hide her massive cleavage. "I-It sounded like N-Naruto-kun's voice...Maybe I shouldn't have told him we were coming here," she mumbled in her meek voice.

"Are you kidding me!" Hinata may have had an innocent mind, incapable of seeing the faults in people, but there was no excuse for this. "You told _Naruto _that we were going to a _bath __house! _What were you thinking?" Sakura hissed through clenched teeth.

"I-I didn't think he'd come," she stuttered. "Especially not with Sasuke."

Oh yeah...Sasuke. Sakura had been so caught up in the fact that the village idiot had peeped on her, she had forgotten whose name he shouted when he gave away his position. A little piece of her died inside. Oh god, she had shown her goods to _both _her teammates. At least Kakashi-sensei hadn't shown up for the party. Her sense of hopelessness was quickly replaced with a brutish killing intent, and she wrapped herself tightly in her towel before marching strait for the barrier.

--

"Sasuke! Sasuke are you okay?" Naruto asked while Sasuke coughed up hot water. Some of the other bathers had taken notice of their odd behavior and were slowly inching away to the other side of the bathing area.

"Yeah...I'm fine," he answered after all the water had left his system. He'd had more than enough for one day. All that was left to do now was file that brief image away in his memory for later use and perhaps go home and take a long, cold shower. He took Naruto's offered hand, emerged from the water, and was about to announce his departure when the barrier shook from the force of several punches.

"UCHIHA SASUKE!!"

Oh, shit.

"I know you're over there, you pervert! I would expect something like this from Naruto--" Naruto squeaked and hid behind Sasuke at the mention of his name, "--but not from you!"

"I think she heard us," Naruto mumbled from his cowering position.

"You _think_?" Sasuke snapped. This was the end. He would die a haughty virgin who never got to fulfill his childhood dreams. It was a shame, really. There had to be a way out of this. A way to calm her down...and then suddenly, he had a plan.

"T-teme, where are you going? You're walking towards your death!" Naruto exclaimed as Sasuke hurried towards the wall.

--

"Well, answer me!" Sakura yelled from the other side, determined to get a groveling confession and/or apology out of him in the next ten minutes.

Hinata trembled in the water, alarmed at the drastic change in demeanor that Sakura was capable of undergoing. A flash of movement caught her eye, and her attention was diverted to the top of the wall where a very wet, scantily clad Uchiha Sasuke was perched. "S-Sakura!"

"What!" Sakura snarled and turned to face the other girl. Hinata timidly pointed upwards and Sakura's eyes slowly followed. Her cheeks flushed and she stared in astonishment at the spectacle before her. From her angle, she could practically see up his towel, but she wasn't complaining. Wait, wait! No. She was mad! Right? Yes, she was still mad. "W-what are you doing?" she asked, the convicting fire in her voice temporarily snuffed.

Graceful as a cat, Sasuke hopped down from his perch and landed so close to Sakura that she could feel the heat of the spring water drifting off his skin. There were several surprised squeals from the other girls in the bathing area during his dramatic entrance, but whether of delight at seeing the dazzling young man practically naked or of embarrassment for their own lack of clothing, Sakura couldn't tell.

"Apologizing of course." It was working. He could already tell that she was distracted by his presence. Just a little more and she would practically forget the whole situation. "You're not still mad are you?" he asked and moved even closer to her.

"N-no...I mean yes! Yes, I'm still mad at you," she assured him, refusing to meet his eyes. But when she looked down, all she could see was his glistening chest. And when she looked even lower, she became so flustered that she felt faint. "And you have no right to...to come over here...smirking at me, like I'm...I'm overreacting or something," she managed to get out between deep breaths. He was too close for her to think straight, her head spinning from their close proximity.

His smirk still plastered on his face, Sasuke leaned his head forward until the tip of his nose brushed against hers. The hitch in Sakura's breath told him that he might escape this escapade unscathed. "I'm sorry..." he murmured, temporarily abandoning his pride. It was all for the greater good. "Forgive me?"

Now that was hardly fair. How could she say no to those eyes? Those beautiful black eyes with wet hair hanging down and shining muscles and the perfect abs, hot breath and his lips so close. Oh god, she was hyperventilating. In the next second, Sakura's eyes fluttered closed and she fell backwards towards the unforgiving ground.

Sasuke caught her arm just as her head dipped below her shoulder blades. Triumph glinted in his eyes and he allowed himself a few moments to silently gloat in his victory. It was the Uchiha charm. Worked every time. This time tomorrow, Sakura will have completely forgotten their little disagreement...But in the meantime...

With seemingly little effort, Sasuke hoisted the unconscious girl over his shoulder and turned to her flabbergasted companion. She had sank so low in the water that her chin barely breached the surface. "Tell Naruto not to wait up," he insinuated with a smirk before swiftly carrying his prize back to his apartment.


End file.
